Love your Neighbor AS Yourself

Valentines Day is Sunday and everyone is going crazy! My timeline is filling up with single people who are feeling lonely as well as married couples who are not so lonely. The Holiday is actually called St. Valentines day. According to my research on one account a king wanted to make war and was sending young men off to war unwillingly, and the only thing that would prevent them was if they were married. This King also tried to ban marriage for young adults as a means to send the young men to fight in the war against their will but St. Valentine would marry these young couples in secret so they could live their lives normally and not have to go to war if they were truly in love.

The thing that bugs me the most is that everyone is in a frenzy about having to be alone, or being together and no one is content with a love that is Holy. God created love for us to give, but also to receive. He also wants us to love ourselves too. It's his will, and I encourage others all the time to love themselves or at least begin learning to see themselves as God does.

For years I've known the scripture in Mark 12:30-31. I can't say I thought of it as the Lord meant it though. As a child I was taught this scripture as a means to treat my friends kindly almost like the scripture "Do unto others as you would have them to do for you." (Matthew 7:12). It does have the same concept but when rearing children you oftentimes teach verses in a way where you're trying to teach and encourage kindness, and then bring rebuke to those who aren't being very kind as well. The scripture says in Mark 12:30-31

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt  love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these."

Jesus was saying there is no commandment greater than these because these two scriptures govern the 10 Commandments. It shows us How to love God, and How to love our neighbor. However I do want to focus on the Second greatest commandment for this blog post.

I wanted to see things the way God did concerning this scripture which is actually what I was doing when I got the idea for this blog. I was doing a devotion and when I reached the part where I was supposed to reflect on the devotion as a whole, they asked me the question, "How can you practice having the same mindset as Jesus today?" There were 3 options in these bubbles I had to select or either write my own. The option that stood out for selection was "I can actively consider other people as better than myself". Now I know what you're thinking because I was thinking the same way, but after reading the verses prior to this I understood what that meant. Paul was telling the Philippians to be of one mind having the same love, and to be united in love. He was telling them not to operate in discord but in humility and to treat each other better than you would yourself. If you think about Paul's instructions logically then you see how this makes sense. If everybody is in the room loving each other better than themselves then the room isn't void of love. No one is missing out because no one is doing anything in 'vainglory'. 

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So that brings us back to where we started out with the Second Greatest commandment. It leaves us  feeling loved because we loved our neighbor as ourselves. Which brings me to my next point concerning loving ourselves. 

Self-Care is a Must

Sometimes we make the wrong decisions to over extend ourselves and to not love ourselves. It goes back to the concept of self sacrifice that is unholy that I've spoken of multiple times. I realized today that the love I give my neighbor should be better in a way where the love is still going around. Loving my neighbor as myself to me meant taking care of myself by taking care of my mind and my spirit as well as my endeavors. Likewise I should be willing to do the same for my neighbor because I'm not operating from an empty cup. 

For years I've read this scripture as I was taught but only from that one perspective, however as an adult I have new perspective. This scripture is not only to bringing correction to those who are incredibly selfish but if you're incredibly self sacrificing as well. If you sacrifice to the point where you are not advancing in life and all those you pour into are advancing then that's not healthy for you. Jesus or Paul never said stop loving yourself to love your neighbor. Which brings us to an almost controversial belief that has been drilled in us to sacrifice everything for our friends, our family, our church..etc. There's nothing biblical about that. Everything that the Bible has in it says how to love God and then your neighbor. How to please God and then love those around you and help them, as well as how to encourage yourself in doing God's will.

As a mom and wife who is very much a giver I know exactly what it feels like to be drained dry, desperate for self-care, and frustrated because no matter what I try I always end up being limited to just a wife, or just a mom instead of operating in my full prophetic destiny. Some days I just want a minute alone. I wish the demands my family put on me would somehow go away by themselves. However there are things that I do to make sure that my love for them is full, and so that I don't feel cheated out of any form of love myself. I started this journey some years ago by setting healthy boundaries with family members. I had to take some extreme measures to truly love on myself by cutting people out of my life who were doing me more harm than good. I was in desperate need of loving myself the way the Word of God said so that I COULD love my neighbor as myself. I didn't want anyone to say or do anything that would compromise where I was heading spiritually or naturally. In a sense I learned how to Guard my own heart. The scripture says "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." 

In order to say yes to my own self care I had to learn to say no to some things. I also had to be cool with who I was saying no to. I learned that saying "no" isn't always rigid, but saying "yes" isn't always liberating either. 

If I was saying yes to self-care, self-love, time with Jesus, and self-improvements that meant that I had to place equal effort into saying No to the things that didn't give me those things or produce that in my life. So I said no to toxic things, people, and situations. I walked away from some and I had to communicate my needs to others who were willing to listen.

I've said before in another post, and on video that the two things that are opposing can't exist together in the same situation. One is gonna be put out, and if you're constantly bending to the thing that isn't in your favor then you're going to continue to feel unfulfilled and unhappy. The progress you're trying to make will fade away at every chance you take to make things better. So the first thing you must do is disagree with the mindset that you are to accept that you can't. You deserve to feel loved, and accepted in that room full of individuals who love you better than themselves, and to experience giving love away without fear of rejection, or being cheated out of love. 

Another thing I realized about my own life is that I don't always surround myself with a winning team. I need people in my life who will love me equally, who want to see me win equally, who love me into my truth and into my victories. I'm actually a huge pusher! I love seeing my friends win. I've never been jealous of my friends because I'm too busy telling them how proud I am of them. I can say that sometimes the people of God struggle with this concept because they were told some time or another that their time, talent and treasure belong at the church, and they miss the part where all that is God's anyway and neither should they take claim to anything that was supposed to be used for His glory!

Doing the things that God put in you to do is not selfish, it's the Will of God. People accidently put themselves in a position to worship mere men, and forget why they came to church in the first place. So with that being said if I'm in a place where it's compromising my faith in God, I'm out! You may not even be able to catch me fast enough. I hate when things don't progress, you can ask my husband if you don't believe me. I'm an extreme stickler for making calculated moves. Every move I make, I do with intent. So while everyone is sitting around hoping and wishing this and that will come to them my faith produces actions towards the things I believe. 

I don't need friends who pull me away from my destiny, make up excuses as to why their support isn't looking like what the Word of God says, and constantly begging me for help but when I need theirs they vanish, or come up with some reason as to why they can't right now or don't feel like it. I have entirely too much of that and not enough of the other type of friend. I'm still learning to guard my heart, and it' a process! You're reading the words of  a woman who was always self sacrificing since childhood. Would give something of mine away to a friend even if it meant it made me cry, because they begged me for it. In a way people still use the same tactics to get my time, my talent, my treasure, and they try to pile on the guilt, and call me selfish when I'm actually the one being cheated out of true love the entire time! The buck stops here because nothing hurts me more than watching my beautiful children repeat these things, and have friends that take advantage of them. If I want to see my children use discernment and love themselves enough to say no when it's healthy for them, I have to set the example. 

Look I've said this before. I need new friends. I want my children to see me around great friends. Each time I say it I have way more depth. At first I meant it as a general sense of support, like if I needed help with issues in my life or family they would be by my side, but I'm going to be real about this. I want better friends because I need friends that'll call me because they felt me in spirit and felt lead to call. I need friends who will hold me accountable to my life vision and be proud of me for making the moves I said I would. I want them to encourage me to stay on track as well as pray for me when things are difficult. I know for certain that I'm everyones cheer leader. I'm that friend that will sit on your floor if you have no furniture, because at least you got the apartment, the lights are on, and you are taking care of yourself! WE can always look online for resources to get you some furniture later. In return I'm praying for friends who are likeminded, in love, humility, and in unity. I need friends who will say "How can I help?" and then when they can't they say "I can't do but I can look out for someone who could!" Most people make you an offer that you can't even take because they don't fit your needs. What makes it worse is they criticize you for not taking it too. I can truly relate to the verse in Man In The Mirror when Michael says "I've been a victim of a selfish kinda love..." cause these are all things people have done who have claimed to have loved me. I'm not angry or begrudging about it, but I am over it, and that's a huge difference. 

Love your neighbor as yourself or better than yourself doesn't mean to stop loving yourself at all. It means apply love where need be. So that means that somewhere love should be for me too. I'm not going to make it anyone's responsibility to make me feel loved, because that's my job. It is however my responsibility to surround myself with the right individuals who have the capacity to exhort me so I can go to the next level in my life. However, it's everyones call to love one another and to love the other better than ourselves, and that should be as unto God primarily.  

I know for sure it's possible to sit in a room full of love and not feel an ounce of it because you aren't paying attention to it and neither are you basking in the moments when it is given. That's another level of guarding your heart with diligence. You guard your heart by making sure that you see and feel the love instead of accepting the narrative that no one supports you or cares. That's guarding your heart from the toxic thoughts in your mind that prevent you from feeling love and acceptance. So understand it is with the utmost convictions that I write this particular blog. 

I'm not angry I'm just filled with passion because it's an ongoing lesson in my life that I wish other's would join me in learning. I'm included in God's circle of love. I deserve to be supported because I'm a child of God as well, and I refuse to continue going through life asking others for permission to be loved, or supported. If you're not loving me according to God's standards there's literally nothing you can offer me. It's like Uncle Reese said If God doesn't have your heart nothing that you do for him really matters at all. Therefore as a child of the King, I can't accept it either. Accepting something like that would be missing the mark (sin), and falling short of his glory. It's not that I would go to hell over it, but it would keep me from being at my best and keeping myself in good spirit. That's why this it's so important to love God first because he directs all of that, and puts it all in order for you. 

I challenge you to ask God for a heart like his so you can love others according to God's expectations and not your own. Ask the Lord in prayer to help you realize that you deserve love too, and to surround you with people who will love and motivate you. Promise that you'll do the same for them in return when God sends them. Remember to take in those moments of refreshing where love is being shown and to change the narrative in your mind that you don't have love or support! Most of all remember that God is Love and that His love is sufficient for you.

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