My Sonshine/ My REIntroduction
Lately I've been working on smaller projects that interest me until I'm able to work up the nerve to create what I want. I already posted about how I created a cloth diaper for my newborn David in my last post! This time I didn't forget to include myself. When I made the bonnets for the girls I did't have enough fabric to make a bonnet for myself so I went to Goodwill and then Dollar Tree to see what I could find.
As of late I've been making things for my son Victor III. In a house full of girls my son always feels left out. So when I made my hair bonnet and theirs he was wondering what I would do for him. I began wondering about a durag but I didn't look it up right away. So today I was just looking for a project to do and this popped into my mind. I was looking up a pattern online to draft out when I realized that I could trace one of his old durags. My durag isn't perfect but it's still something. In fact I sewed it wrong first, and the strings to tie it up were so short that they only reached the back. At the end of the day I was just glad that I figured it out. I've never sewn a hoodie, but I can imagine that it is pretty much the same thing.
If you look at the back you'll find that I actually used a stretch velvet. The velvet only stretches in one direction though., and the fabric was weird to work with. I ended up lengthening the ties per my husbands request later on that night though, and even though it wasn't perfect I'm still really happy with it because this was my first try at a boys haircare product.
In my spare time I make my son these fun little bow ties for a dressy occasion. Since it isn't a huge pattern I usually use scrapt fabric. He looked incredible for his graduation from Kindergarten where he wore the galaxy print bow tie!
Anya and I love myfroggystuff for all the doll houses Toya and Bella build from foam board and other little things for her dolls. We don't have a lot of the materials that she uses so we could only use what we have readily available. So a few days ago we made this comforter set for her dolls!
I know this blog post has a whole different vibe to it because I'm usually talking about scripture and creating goals. I've been thinking about it though and I thought it was unrealistic to talk about those goals I set all the time and not show you my process. My process isn't always perfect, and showing you the end result and not telling you about the journey there is unfair.
Initially I intended to write about things in this blog just as I am now. About the journey there..you know? Sort of like a saga of my life with my career and family. However, I started this blog in 2017 and my son started having seizures and Anya was already having seizures. My husbands health was declining and I didn't want my blog to be a sad story where I sounded just as depressed as I was. Eventually I did start seeing a therapist, and I did start taking control of my life after setting healthier boundaries, but honestly that was not easy. There were times where I was stressed and struggling but I still had to keep focused. Where family and friends didn't want to understand anything I was going through and had nothing but criticizm for me and my family in our hardest of times. It was hard. Today as I was making my projects I was remembering it was my faith and creativity that kept me afloat, and that is the place that I'm always willing to protect and defend because it's where I commune with God and find peace.
There are still going to be times I talk about God, and scripture in this blog. That's a part of who I am, and I actually come from a long prestigious line of preachers and educators. I'm not claiming any titiles or to be in ministry. All I have is my own testimony and personal relationship with The Most High! That's what holds me together. Most people give up on having faith because they don't know how to apply the word of God..but I have lived in a way where he has been my first resort. He really does make all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose! (Romans 8:28).
My small projects are what gives me peace, hope, joy, and sometimes people don't get it, cause I'm cool with a little imprefection. Think about it like this. My creative space is a place where I can totally be myself-nobody is putting limits on me. Nobody is telling me how to do anything, I'm just me. I can be as corky or dorky, or weird as I want. I can paint the world around me however I like without a care in the world and hearing negative words or being around negative energy really does suck the creativity right out of me to where I lose interest in what I'm truly passionate about. That's my safe space, and I love myself in that space. There have been times though where people have invaded that, and made me feel insecure in that place where my first efforts are criticized harshly or my best work just is never good enough, so I like my space cloud and worry free. Galatians 6:9 says
9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
In a lot of ways my creativity is what helps me to not faint. Life can get extra discouraging. You don't think that I'm home upset sometimes about how I wish I could've did this better, and how I should've stood up for myself sometimes in the past and maybe I would've had or could've had something more? If you don't think I have repented for things or had some regrets that would be a lie. This is why I thought it would be fair to let you know who and how I really am.
So, I'm Shakana Borders. I love the creative and perfoming arts! I love my family, and they inspire me to be better, but more than anything I Love the Lord who is my guide, my source, and my nurturer. My faith and my creativity is what drives me and in my creative space I feel free and close to God. My curiosity fuels my desire to figure out things and create more. My day usually starts with the question "I wonder what I can make today? How can I be useful besides doing these wack chores!?" Yes I hate chores! I do them, and I give some to my kids to do because they are of age to be responsible for some things. I lead by example, so if they are cleaning up I'm also cleaning up. I'm usually the first one up when I'm well and I'm the last one to go to sleep no matter how I might feel. I don't remember when the last time I had a full 8 hours of sleep was and that has nothing to do with the kids in any way. I am learning about my self-care and how there are different ways besides pampering and going on shopping sprees to care for myself. Having time to be my creative self through my clothing and what I create is a big deal to me. I used to be way more creative than I am. I used to write songs, poetry, and even plays. I used to dance too in church and liturgical dance is something I love. My kids don't know who I was when I was younger. They just know I'm their mom and what I do right now as an adult. I'm usually kind, loyal, loving , and I'm not really critical of anyone who might be having a hard time and find their way. I'm that type of friend, but I don't always think I have those types of friends. I'm the person people expect to care for others, and when I think of myself a little, people get concerned and ask tons of questions about whether I'm being considerate or not. Yup, that's me...Kana in a nutshell. Over the years I feel like I've evolved to a less interesting version of my teenage self to accomodate life isssues (HAha), my teenage self would be astounded; but every day I'm getting a little bit of myself back and I feel like I'm gonna be okay if I don't faint.
If I don't faint...so I'm going to keep doing small projects until I can afford to do bigger projects. It's better than wasting away while I'm waiting. Right?
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